In my last post, I shared five ways to get ready to emerge (maybe before you feel ready). Whether it’s a new business, website, free or paid offering, it can feel scary to go for it. We can so easily put all these barriers in the way of actually getting out there. When it usually just comes down to one thing: confidence. So today I want to share with you how to grow your confidence and your business to feel quietly confident (it doesn’t have to feel fake or OTT).
There are so many things to take into consideration, and I would never want to minimise your past experiences, your trauma and pain (especially if it’s unhealed or ancestral and doesn’t have a simple overnight fix), and your circumstances in life. Nuance, friends.
But, here are some things that I have found – time and time again – that helps me when I’m feeling a bit wobbly with my confidence. Oh yeah, it happens to all of us, especially if we are constantly growing and expanding and evolving. It’s part of life.
Practise Makes Quietly Confident
I have often thought this over the years, observing my own behaviour and that of my clients, peers, friends, and others in my introverts community. For some reason, when we’re kids, we know that we don’t know much. We have to learn how to spell and write our names, tie our shoes, ride a bike, and literally everything else because it’s all new.
But why does that stop? At what point does some part of us start believing that we should just automatically know (and be good at) things we want to do?
I don’t know how or why this happens. But it does.
(If you don’t believe me, think of the last time you tried to do something new and how frustrated or disheartened you got with yourself for not being able to instantly do it without learning the basics, practising, and practising, and practising until you could do it)
So, that’s my first point. Practise. Practise. Practise.
Do you want to feel quietly confident? Well, I promise you will when you have done something enough times that it feels right and natural and easy. And then practise more.
If you’re not willing to invest the time and energy into getting really good at something, is it actually what you want? Or just something you think you should want?
Done Is Better Than Perfect
We have this really tricky knack of putting obstacles or roadblocks in our way when we are feeling unconfident, or scared, or uncertain. I know – as an introverted, HSP – that this is something I have been doing all my life.
There is safety in the known. We can try our hardest to imagine every possible outcome to feel like we have some control over it and can, therefore, manage it. But what our mind then does with that information is talks us out of it. Quickly.
That’s when some of our old friends start popping up. Procrastination. Perfectionism. Just downright avoidance. Squirrelling around doing busy work. Pick your poison. I am definitely an expert at all of them.
But, what I have also learnt over the years, is that nothing REALLY matters that much. I mean, sure, everything matters. But it also doesn’t. Last week I launched my new program, Emerge. I had the idea 6 months ago. I did nothing (barely thought about it) for 6 months. I literally took about 6 weeks off where I did just about nothing but lie on the floor reading fantasy fiction. And then in 2 days I brought the whole thing to life and put it out into the world.
We can tell ourselves our website needs updating before we launch our new idea. That we can’t start working with clients until we have a full-blown website and professional branding and all of the things. We can say we have to have a specific offer created and ready to go before we start the podcast. Or that we have to have every piece in place before we can start.
But it’s not true. Get it up, get it out, and then fix, tweak, rework, relaunch, and do it all again. Every time we put something out, it’s better than last time, our confidence grows, we learn something new. Better that it’s up and out in the world than sitting in a desk drawer collecting dust (maybe on your computer collecting virtual dust is better, but you know what I mean).
Have a Plan
I’m a naturally intuitive flowy type of person. One who has almost always resisted the confines of structure and just about any A-type behaviour. But, can I tell you, there’s a shift in confidence and effective work that happens when I have some sort of plan, even if it’s just a loose one.
If you’re more of a creative, ‘go with the flow’ type, maybe you get this (sorry if you’re not that type at all, I know how nervous you all get when I highlight just how much I hate it). But just getting everything out of your head and somewhere that you can see the bigger picture already frees up so much space in your brain, not to mention the energy that was being used holding all those thoughts.
Write it down, move it around, put it into some kind of system or structure that makes sense and feels good to you. Then wake up each day with an idea of what you need to focus your energy on and what’s important. That alone feels like a confidence booster. You’re on top of it. You know what you’re doing. And you’ll start to feel quietly confident. You pro, you.
Make It Fun
Okay, here is the truth (it might hurt, so brace yourself).
You are not starting (or did not start, depending on where you’re at) your business for it to be another obligation. Another responsibility on your already long list. Another draining day job.
I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but I know I definitely didn’t.
If you’re anything like me, you started your business because you wanted to create a lifestyle that wasn’t like the corporate one you got sucked into. You don’t want to dread getting up for work each day. Am I right?
So why is your business not fun? And, more importantly, how can you bring ease and joy and fun into it every day? Sure, there are still going to be things you have to do (accounts, admin, social media), but how do you make it fun?
I recently asked in my FB group, what’s something I say over and over again? This is one that one of my clients tells me she always hears me in her head repeating: no one is paying attention anyway, so just have fun with it.
Especially when you’re just starting out, not that many people are watching you. And, sure, we can focus on how we wish we were further ahead or had more followers, or whatever. But what if it just became about the joy of playing with ideas? The joy of sharing quirky things about ourselves? Of having fun and inviting in the people who like the joy that we like?
Are You Ready To Be Quietly Confident?
Recently I saw a TikTok of a young woman talking about how she wasn’t confident, and she saw another girl talking about how she just started to tell herself she was and, over time, she became confident. A beautiful experiment to try, don’t you think?
I mean, what is the harm in – every day – finding even the smallest things to energise? We do it anyway. In every given moment, we are putting energy into thoughts we are having – mostly without even realising. What would it take to break the patterns of talking shit about yourself and starting to energise something new?
- What does a quietly confident person do each morning?
- What would a quietly confident person say about themselves?
- What does a confident person share with the world?
- What actions would they take each day?
- How would a confident person keep practising and becoming more confident in their skills?
I’d love to hear from you! Comment below or come on over to the Facebook group and share what tiny little steps you are going to start taking to grow your confidence.
Want To Go One Step Further And Supercharge Your Confidence?
Something I see all the time is the gap between finishing learning a new skill or getting a certification, being in that safe bubble of learning, and suddenly finding yourself out in the real world, having to do all these other things to build a business that have actually nothing to do with your new skills.
This is when the all-too-easy cycle of ‘I’ll feel more confident if I just do this other certification/course/etc’ kicks in for SO MANY PEOPLE. The problem is that in 5 years time, you will have 10 different certifications or skills under your belt, but still no actual business.
If you are ready to take the amazing skills and natural life experience you already have and turn it into a real business in 2021, that supports your quiet energy and is FUN, I’d love to invite you to join us for Emerge.
Emerge 2021: The Summer Sessions is like summer school. It’s an intensive, immersive experience where we’re going to focus on the MOST important (but simple) things you need to get up and running in your business. Of course, there are lots of important aspects to focus on, but they don’t all need to be done at once.